He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
He loves me - he loves me not, I thought as I sat in the warm grass dropping tiny petals, hoping the last one would determine a dreamy answer. Now I’d say that’s just a childish game I played, but I stopped in my tracks realizing 30 years later - I’m still playing it.
Without even thinking, I do it. Maybe you do too? With my husband, friends and family a secret tally is kept in my mind and then the dreadful part - my perceived answer is exposed later in my reactions. This can be so embarrassing, oh if I could better train my face to not convey my inner thoughts when talking to my husband and children! Sometimes no matter how hard I discipline my words - my facial expressions tell a different story. (Ugg, I’m working on it)
Most recently I’ve been aware how this plays out in my relationship with Jesus.
Unexpected medical, garage and house repair bills, the petals silently fall. Hmm, He loves me, He loves me not? I choose to say it out loud - He loves me.
Days that start with my precious boys interceding with tears for the suffering around the world and end with this mama in tears, weary from what feels like debates and complaining about every stinking thing. Do I have what it takes to educate and raise world changers without totally losing it in the process? Skipping over the temptation to say He loves me not, I declare - He loves me.
Preaching freedom and watching chains of anxiety break off women in the room and then the very next day overwhelmed with anxiety myself and coaching a child whose fighting it too. The enemy whispers lies saying - He loves you not.
I know God loves me. BUT, I began to see that sometimes I live as though I doubt His love - even though I’d never say it out loud. My expressions might say something different.
Sitting up late at night in fear instead of faith says - I’m doubting His love. Grabbing chocolate by the handfuls when worried, instead of pressing in to pray says- I’m doubting His love. Hours spent attempting to fix things myself, instead of surrendering and waiting on God says - I’m doubting His love.
Little by little as the petals fall they pile in my heart, they don’t disappear into the wind. Instead the questions become heavy and cloud my vision of God’s love.
The truth is this, Jesus loves me and He loves you. His love isn’t shaken by the circumstances that come our way.
His love doesn’t waiver in health or sickness, financial gain or loss. He is a lover that will never become bored and reject us, He will not stop fighting for us when the battle intensifies. His love does not fade away with our bad attitudes or temper tantrums. It’s not absent when dreams crumble or years of disappointment stack up.
Jesus looked into every moment of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly. In His love, He chose to die for us - so that He could embrace us for all of eternity. No one else will ever - ever love like He does.
Where is Jesus when you sit in a pile of dropped petals and heartache? He holds you as each one falls and gives a promise that you’ll bloom again.
He tenderly weeps with you and gently offers peace, forgives over and over again and gives refuge and sweet rest. His love generously redeems and restores.
Jesus will not change each circumstance in our lives, but let me tell you from experience, He will wrap his loving arms around you and carry you through every single step of the journey.
Maybe you need to hear this today, really let the words take root deep within. He loves you. No strings attached. He loves YOU.
HERE ARE FOUR I LOVE YOU NOTES FROM YOUR ETERNAL LOVER:
“I will never leave you” - Deuteronomy 31:6
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.” - Isaiah 41:13
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, my love for you will not be shaken”. - Isaiah 54:10
“My love will endure forever” - Psalm 136
So this girl is on a mission to not only say He loves me, but daily live like I believe it. Want to join me?
Let’s press in, asking Jesus to help us recognize the very moment our expressions say we’re doubting. It’s time to silence the lies, ditch the petal dropping and with freedom embrace truth. He loves you!
Hi, I’m Jaime!
Prayer warrior, writer, and speaker in love with Jesus, my Jed, and our 3 Rowdy Redcays. Friend, I long to see you set free. Delivered from the chains that hold you back, compelled to navigate this journey as a fearless warrior. Where does that happen? In the embrace of Jesus!
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