Every Problem Is A Relationship Problem
I’ve been listening, reading, fasting and praying. I’ve been quiet. Now I sense a tap on my shoulder to share how I’ve felt challenged, what I’m wrestling with and steps I’m taking to move forward.
Emotions escalate all around us, riots and protests are increasing. Oh how I long to be part of the healing process that’s needed. Probably like many of you, I’ve not wanted to add to the noise, when so many are speaking - but few are listening.
These words have repeatedly come to mind, “Every problem is a relationship problem.”
Sitting in a classroom more than 20 years ago (goodness, that makes me feel old to say), I heard Dean Sherman say, “Every problem is a relationship problem”. As he taught for a few days I tried to disprove this theory, because general statements like that can drive me nutty. Turns out, he’s right!
The root of every problem is relationships. Relationship between one another and relationship with God.
In his teaching he highlighted 3 problems in relationships:
People thinking more highly of themselves than they should.
The inability to appreciate variety; being threatened by difference.
Not walking in reality.
He walked us through Romans 12 slowly, as we soaked in the words, it was and continues to be - crazy challenging. (I definitely recommend you read the whole chapter!)
I keep coming back to my notes from Dean as I reflect on all that is taking place in our nation and around the world.
Here are a few juicy ones I highlighted:
“If we are having problems relating, then we are part of the problem.” (Anybody else saying ouch with me?)
“The biggest problem in the problem is pride.”
“Relationships are only as deep as they are open and only as strong as they are broken.”
Our relationships can’t grow deeper and stronger until we are willing to be open. What does that look like? Most recently our local pastor spoke these words from the Bible that pierced my heart, “See to it that you are not deceived.”
Saul, who later was named Paul, had been educated for the majority of his life in the church - yet he was deceived.
He tortured and killed followers of Jesus - in the name of the church. Later Saul, a highly educated man, is taught by Ananias, a man whom he’d perceived to be living in opposition of the church.
But once Saul stopped and listened, when his physical eyesight was taken away - he had revelation of truth. He had revelation of a relationship problem.
He became aware that his pride was part of the problem. He had to break down the walls of what he knew and who he’d become - so he could be free.
The outcome was incredible! God used him to set so many free in his generation and even now, lives are transformed through his letters recorded in the Bible.
At the close of our gathering, Pastor Kevin talked about the power of blessing those who persecute or curse you. He challenged us not to overreact or walk with offense, but instead surrender our reactions and lavishly pray over those who cause us pain.You may be familiar with the blessing song that is taken from scriptures. As a church we were asked to not sing this song over our families, but instead over someone that we see as an enemy or someone that we struggle to agree with. Let me tell you friend, tears flowed, chains dropped on the floors and walls crumbled.
Could you do that today? Could you pray and sing these words over those you’re struggling to agree with right now? I’d like to lovingly nudge you to do so. Go ahead, picture that person, politician, people group or family member and sing these words over them.
Sing without expectation of changing them, but purely just to extend God’s love and blessing over their lives. I believe this is a crucial next step for our generation.
The Blessing lyrics by Elevation Church: “The Lord bless you and keep you make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. May His favor be upon you and a thousand generations, your family and your children, and their children, and their children. May His presence go before you, and behind you, and beside you, all around you, and within you, He is with you, He is with you. In the morning, in the evening, in your coming, and your going, in your weeping, and rejoicing, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you. Amen, amen, amen.”
Will blessing each other solve all our problems? Nope, but it sure will ignite the process of healing and restoration that is desperately needed. Man, if we could be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody, not repaying evil for evil but instead blessing those who persecute us and mourning with those who mourn - we’d be walking in love and on our way to solving a real relationship problem.
Here’s what I’m reflecting on and I invite you to join me:
Am I being careful to not be deceived?
Do I have walls built up in my life that keep me from knowing truth?
Is there pride in my heart that keeps me from seeing or hearing others pain?
Do I value diversity or am I threatened by those who appear different or believe differently than me?
Are there areas in my life where I’m not walking in reality?
Am I motivated by love?
How is God asking us to respond?
The words below in Romans 12 were written by Paul. Paul learned these lessons the hard way. Can you imagine the memories he wrestled with after killing followers of Jesus, persecuting those for believing what he now lived and preached?
Not only did God forgive him and give him a new perspective, He gave him a new name. He changed his name from Saul to Paul.
Let’s meditate daily on this advice from Paul as we search for answers. Let’s ask the Lord to transform our hearts, giving us eyes to see what He sees and courage to be who He’s calling us to be.
What if we surrender offenses, titles and political party lines? What if we listen to each other and to our Creator? I think the result will bring a new perspective and a new name. What new name would you long for? I think we will find that every problem - is in fact a relationship problem.
Romans 12:9 - 18
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
TRUTH TO EMBRACE: “Relationships are only as deep as they are open and only as strong as they are broken.”
Hi, I’m Jaime!
Prayer warrior, writer, and speaker in love with Jesus, my Jed, and our 3 Rowdy Redcays. Friend, I long to see you set free. Delivered from the chains that hold you back, compelled to navigate this journey as a fearless warrior. Where does that happen? In the embrace of Jesus!
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