You are not a Fixer
I have a confession to make, I love to fix things. I mean I have it bad, and if you have known me for long, you know this, because it has become such a core piece of who I am. As soon as I hear of a need, immediately I am brainstorming and asking, what can I do? Let’s fix this!
But something happened recently, and it changed everything. I heard words within my heart that instantly infused my eyes with tears. Has this ever happened to you? You hear just a few words, they pierce and squeeze your heart. You recognize the familiar voice, it's the One who knows you and what you need to hear.
First, a little background, I am the oldest of four children, and right there tells you something about me. Birth order really is fascinating to study and yes, I am the typical oldest child. My family has endured too many seasons of crisis. Part of my journey in coping was trying to balance the responsibility I felt, to make the family feel better.
As a young girl I began praying that God would break my heart over the things that breaks his heart. He heard my cry. Let me tell you friend, if you are hurting, I am probably going to curl up and cry right there with you!
Now, some of our favorite opportunities together as a couple are the moments we can embrace those around us. We just love it...to hold someone and pray in crisis, to encourage someone as they prepare to marry, to walk alongside parents as they raise teenagers. We’ve dropped everything to run to a friends house to weep and pray over them as their marriage seemed to be ending. I find myself wrecked over children who are hurting and not receiving the love and nourishment they desperately need. Together we have served in orphanages around the world and have seen this pain firsthand. We long to lead others into the Lord’s embrace.
Speeding up to last winter; I sat in a small office with a counselor, my heart was pounding. It's hard to be vulnerable with a stranger, it's hard to admit that you need help, but in my experience it's always been worth it. I just could not wrap my head around a solution, for a complicated relationship in our lives. My heart was so heavy. I felt like there were no easy answers. The only ones I could see, required uncomfortable decisions, that could cause my family pain. I was looking for the path of peace. I longed for break-though believing it was coming, but I continued to get stuck in a relentless cycle of "what if's", they were on repeat day and night in my mind. It was like an overtime job trying to take my thoughts captive.
It was in that small counseling office, that a very wise professional pegged me and did so within the first 20 minutes. “You are a fixer aren’t you?” “Yes”, I said, with a sheepish smile. It didn’t take long for me to realize that being a fixer, was not actually the compliment I thought it was!
“What would it look like if you stopped fixing things?” He asked. He made it sound so simple. I was totally caught off guard. That is who I am, it’s what I do, it’s how God designed me, or so I thought...feeling slightly offended and embarrassed.
I sat with the idea for a week and as it brewed, I could see.
First, I saw the toll it was taking on me. I was grabbing everyone else’s pain and packing it on my shoulders. I was drained and weary. I was finding fulfillment in trying to make everyone else feel better, but in the process I was so weighed down, I could barely breathe.
I was trying to navigate relationships for my family, that are complicated, messy and can’t be fixed with my hands.
On top of that, I would pray and believe for freedom for other hurting friends and then before I even realized it, I had picked those things up I released in prayer, and stuck them right back on my tired shoulders as well.
Next, I saw the toll it was taking on my family. It was so important to me to protect them. But, by not fully releasing those burdens at the feet of Jesus, my capacity to patiently and wisely care for my 3 little rowdy Redcay’s, had depleted.
This resulted in a quick temper and the inability to see the heart of my boys. Instead, I was caught in a cycle of being frustrated by childish behavior.
With determination to be free from the anxiety and fatigue I was experiencing, I began to press into the Lord even more. Instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, I chose to fix my eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of my faith.
Hebrews 12 says:
“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary or lose heart.”
I love the words, “so that you will not grow weary or lose heart.” This is powerful truth friends!
If I fix my eyes on Jesus, he will strengthen my faith. He has already made the sacrifice, endured the cross and opposition, so that I will not grow weary or lose heart.
It’s finished, I just need to receive it! If I am walking around fatigued and depressed...I have probably lost my focus. Let me tell you friends, that can happen so fast for me!
But, I am learning to recognize when I cross the line from walking with someone, to walking for someone.
I know that my Creator designed me with a heart of compassion, I deeply care for others and believe it is a gift to be tender hearted. I desire to genuinely be with those I love, through the most heart- aching seasons of life, but then release it well.
Recently in the midst of a time of crying out to the Lord, on behalf of someone I love, these were the few words that dropped right into my heart and gave it a squeeze. “You are not a fixer”. My whole body instantly warmed, my eyes filled with tears. I found both rest and conviction in these words, from the One who knows me, the One who has watched me work so desperately this year to recover from a pattern of fixing.
He was reminding me of truth and calling me to walk in it.
If I am not a fixer, who am I? I am called to be the hands and feet of Jesus yes, but not called to be Jesus.
We have a Savior and He is very good at his job! I am called to fix my eyes on Him, as I follow His ways in loving others.
What would it look like if I stopped trying to fix things?
What if I am not a Fixer, but instead I fix my eyes on Jesus, and choose to invite others into that journey with me?
What if I weep with my friend, and release those tears to Him, who weeps with us?
What if I war in intercession for the lost, and choose to trust in Him, who is fighting for me?
What if I believe in faith for healing, and trust that God’s will be done?
What if I listen well to my friends, and surrender those thoughts to Him who listens to me?
What if I serve those in need, and choose to rest in Him?
What if I fight with couples for healed marriages as I choose to believe in the One, who brings restoration?
What if I reach desperately for the lost, and dwell in the shadow of His wings, knowing He is mighty to save?
What if I release the painful relationships I can’t fix, and allow Him to mend my heart?
What if I love fiercely, and also allow Him to fiercely love me?
What if I stop trying to pick up what I was never designed to carry?
For some of us it does not come easy. In fact, it takes a tremendous amount of discipline for this girl!
If we love others through the thick and thin, with our eyes fixed on him, we will enter into a new freedom; one that embraces this truth, there is only one Savior! Let’s leave the fixin to Him!
Can you relate to this? Any other recovering fixers out there? Send me a message, I’d love to hear from you friends. Tell me what you are learning on this journey!